Imaginary wedding planning

Thursday, July 05, 2012


Did you know Blonde Bridesmaid is actually having two weddings? One of them is taking place on the cusp of winter in a country house in deepest Perthshire. The other is taking place entirely in my head. Or rather, on my Pinterest.

I can't tell you much about the first, because it's not my story to tell. I will tell you that two of the loveliest photographers in Scotland will be there. I will also tell you that the bridesmaid dresses were lovely. And that I managed to track down four perfect little cover-ups for us on ebay, £58 reduced from £240. £58 REDUCED FROM £240. Major bridesmaid points for me, I think you'll agree.

I even managed not to flinch when having my measurements taken for said lovely dress. Nobody likes to be told their ass is literally four dress sizes bigger than their boobs, but I took it like a trooper. When the lady in the shop smiled sympathetically at me and said, "Don't worry, I'm a classic pear too," I refrained from punching her in the face. Instead I recounted this "hilarious" tale to Fin, who some hours later confused his fruits and referred to me as a classic pineapple.

I don't even know what a classic pineapple-shaped person would look like, but it can't be good, can it?

Nobody would ever call me a pineapple at the other wedding, the imaginary one. That's because, in the imaginary wedding, I am a bridesmaid of the Katherine Heigl variety, except with a nicer dress.

Purple wedding ideas

Soon, the time will come when the imaginary wedding has to somehow be contorted into a real one, with budgets and measurements and opinions. This could be where it starts to get messy, trying to track down actual suppliers instead of pondering the aesthetic merits of fairy-light canopies versus fairy-light garlands and hypothetically filling a marquee with candles and flammable trees. But as a compulsive scourer of the internet (did I mention the ebay bargains, £58 reduced to £240? Did I??), I suspect this might be where the fun really starts.


All images and their sources can be found on my various wedding pinboards. If you would like a link to the source for any particular image, just let me know. Did I mention I'm a compulsive scourer of the internet?

15 boats moored

  1. Since we're talking about it, I think that you have a very nice ass. It's spectacularly luscious, & curves perfectly. I read an article that that says that asses like yours are the most naturally attractive, and I have heard many men say things to that affect. You're lucky to have such an asset. ;)

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    1. LAUREN! I am totally blushing at my desk now.

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  2. Classic pineapple is the best! Wedding/bridesmaid dress sizing is always so weird. And I am in awe of your compulsive scouring of the internet.

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  3. Wedding dress fitting revealed I'm 6-8 on top and 12 on my bottom. Sad face. I'm like two totally different humans fused together. It's the physical evolution of the office worker.

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  4. I manage to achieve three different dress sizes, size 14 top, size 10 middle, size 12 hips. My dressmaker didn't know what to do with herself.

    I love your Pinterest board, do you want to just come and style my life?

    Also, with some judicious hair-gel application you could probably achieve classic pineapple, no?

    K x

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    1. Ooh just remembered there was a girl with the same name as me at school who used to wear her hair in the highest ponytail ever and she got called 'pineapple heed'. Sad thing is she was probably beaten by a girl called Lisa for worst school nickname. She got called Ultimate Warrior.

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    2. I would love to come and style your life. My rates are very reasonable.

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  5. I am one dress size round my waist and another on the bust and hips. If you were flatteringly polite, you'd call that hourglass but hourglasses don't come in a large, dumpy variety and can't think what is a better description!

    My nickname when I was a teenager was pineapple because of my ponytail!

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  6. Pineapple, love it. I think you sound like you restrained yourself very well. You have proved that you are the perfect bridesmaid.

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  7. I love your wedding obsession...erm... Supportiveness of the bride...because it means I can peruse your pinterest boards and get fabulous ideas for my wedding because you have such great taste! I'm too scared to join pinterest because I'm afraid it will eat me alive. Ooh and ahhing over what you've found sounds just perfect!

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    1. Glad to be of service! If professional pinteresting was a recognised occupation, I'd be all over it.

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  8. I love the classic pineapple comment.

    Also - glad you are making progress and in awe of your love of wedding planning. I am glad it is over!

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  9. You will be the best bridesmaid ever. And the classic pineapple made me snort into my cup.

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  10. A classic pineapple? I'm thinking 80s style scrunchie hair has to be involved in there somewhere...

    Yeah the reality bit of wedding planning is way less fun than the hypothetical bit... Blonde's v lucky to have you as has her acers bridesmaid though!

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