Nobody else but you.


Sad, but true.



Card, which I did not get for Fin because POSTAGE, by Emily McDowell; see more of my favourites here.

A last-minute Valentine's DIY for horrible people.

A Safe Mooring: Valentines Against Humanity

If, like me, you have failed to prepare for Valentine's Day in any way and feel kind of guilty about it, but not guilty enough to leave the house, this is the DIY for you. Make your loved one laugh/cry/recoil in horror with your very own Valentine's version of Cards Against Humanity.

(Cards Against Humanity, for those who have not yet had the pleasure, is a card game where the goal is to be as funny as possible. Bonus points for being profoundly offensive. In a nutshell, there are black cards containing a question or phrase with part left blank, and your job is to complete the blank by choosing from your selection of white answer cards. The goal is to give the funniest answer. It is much more fun than it sounds. You can buy a proper version or download it for free, as well as get a better explanation of what the hell I'm talking about, on their site.)

A Safe Mooring: Valentines Against Humanity
So! Now that you all know what I'm talking about, here's the romantic DIY part.

Using this awesome Cards Against Humanity custom card generator, I made a set of romantic question cards to pair with the existing answer cards. All you need to do is print them off and share them with the object of your affection!

You could choose specific answer cards for each question and tuck them inside a traditional Valentine's card, or initiate a little two-person game of Cards Against Humanity (I'm sure you could come up with an appropriate prize for the winner).

A Safe Mooring: Valentines Against Humanity


Remember you can download the original Cards Against Humanity here (including a UK edition), or if you want to make it even more personal, create your own answer cards.

If you want to use the question cards I made, you can download them by clicking the link below. They are entirely free to use. Knock yourselves out.




And one more because I just can't help myself.


MORE HOW-TO POSTS:

Happy Blogiversawhatever


I've had this blog for FOUR YEARS, you guys. Four. Years. Note how I didn't say "I've been blogging for four years," because, well, I haven't exactly been churning out the posts of late, but still. If my dwindling annual post count is anything to go by, you can expect at least eight posts this year! Might even get up into double figures! Anything could happen!

Because anniversaries make me nostalgic, I've been reflecting a little bit on the highs and lows of these four years of blogging. There have been moments - when I redesigned the blog to include a portfolio (gag), or that time I ran A Practical Wedding, or when I blogged every day for a whole month - when it seemed anything was possible. I was like Miss Jamaica up there, all sparkly and fabulous and LOOK AT MY FUCKING GIANT FEATHERY HAT.

Other times, not so much. I've had to squeeze posts out, one sorry word at a time, between long bouts of silence. Every word tasted sour on my tongue. I found myself wondering why I was still doing this, who I was doing it for, whether I could make a graceful exit without anybody noticing. In short, everything that is going through Miss France's head in this picture.


I feel you, Miss France. Sometimes it seems like everyone else is wearing feathers and sparkles and there you are in your sad little mushroom hat and polyester bridal gown, and all you can do is put a bow on it and try not to focus too much on the fact that you're representing the nation that gave us Coco Chanel. Well, ok, I haven't experienced that exact situation, but I can tell from your terrifying stare that it's not good.

I think I'm at my happiest blogging somewhere in the middle. No pressure or expectations, but still writing enough to keep up a little bit of momentum. Queen of my own little universe, not trying to impress anyone but myself. Feathers and sparkles, but the understated kind.


Ladies and (who am I kidding) ladies, I give you Miss Malaysia. CLASSY AS BALLS. From now on, this blog will be the digital equivalent of... whatever this is.


Annnnnnd, since normal people seem to blog about normal life shit instead of weird Miss Universe blogging metaphors, I feel compelled to tell you that I'm going on a ski holiday tomorrow! With a baby! Because I'm crazy (but not as crazy as Miss France)!

Where are we going, I hear you ask?


"I'm NEUTRAL. Here's my flag. Deal with it."


SEE ALSO:


Images of Miss Universe 2015 via Go Fug Yourself, whose commentary completely cracked me up. Highly recommend.

POINTLESS PURCHASES FOR BABIES, PART 1 OF 10,362


Never mind jumpers for dogs, how about a SNOOD for a BABY???

I mean, I've got one (Exhibit A), Smidgen's got one (Exhibit B), so it only seems right that Flora should have one too, no?

When I was wee my favourite thing to do, besides reading, was dressing my dolls up in different outfits and parading them about. It has only just occurred to me that I will spend the next 10 years, AT LEAST, picking outfits for my child. I'm not saying she's basically just a human doll, but I'm not not saying that...


Baby knit snood, £7.99, Zara. Money well spent, I think you'll agree.

All I want for Christmas

I saw this Christmas present formula on Pinterest somewhere and it immediately struck me as being so obviously brilliant (subject to the addition of a chocolate orange, of course). As we enter our first festive season with a wee one of our own, and attempt to resist the pressure to spend spend spend, this simple guide seems eminently sensible. Fin and I are going to have a go at sticking to it for each other and for Flora. As she gets bigger there will be a stocking from Santa, and I'm sure her doting aunties, uncles and grandparents will leave a toy or two under the tree, but it seems like a good place to start. We shall see.

Last year's gift guide was a big hit, mainly among the various relatives who are obliged to buy me presents, so in response to popular (okay, paternal) demand, here are some bits and bobs that I wouldn't mind finding under the tree this year.

It took me forever to come up with this list. After two months of living with a capsule wardrobe I've forgotten how to shop, and after four months of living with a demanding infant I don't want anything more than hours of uninterrupted sleep. However, I managed to force myself to think of some little treats that would make me happy, but that I can't justify buying for myself (this is my gift-giving sweet spot).

The final selection gives you an insight into my ideal activities for the next few weeks: sitting on the couch, wearing cosy slippers (1), luxuriating in the scent of a fancy Christmassy candle (4) and eating nibbles from a posh bowl (3) because everyone knows nibbles taste better from a posh bowl. If I'm not holding the baby for ten hours straight in an attempt to make her sleep (which is why I'll need some bronzer that makes me look less like a sleep-deprived corpse, 6), I'll be knitting myself yet another snood (5) or, more likely, writing the seven thousand thank you cards I have yet to write because I don't know where anyone lives, hence the need for an old school pen-and-paper address book (2).

The word "need" is subjective, obviously. These could quite easily fall under "wants," but I couldn't have a blank picture, so. We have a family trip to the mountains coming up in January (insert simultaneous "yay!" and "yikes!"), my ski goggles are falling to pieces and I'd love a decent pair (1). My winter pyjamas (which are also my autumn, spring and occasionally summer pyjamas) are similarly in quite an embarrassing state of disrepair, so some new cotton bottoms and feeding-friendly tops would be most welcome (2).

I adore Inaluxe prints, but our walls are already covered in pictures and they definitely don't count as a "need." A calendar (3), on the other hand, is fairly essential for making sure baby massage doesn't clash with baby swimming (what has happened to my liiiiife?). As for the toothbrush, well. Every year, my mum popped a toothbrush in our stockings, and it seems like a wise tradition to maintain, for reasons of nostalgia as well as dental hygiene. An electric one (4) would be nice, but if we're talking needs rather than wants, manpower is good enough for me.

It's at this point that I realise how many of the things in this year's post were also in last year's post. Mittens (1), a tartan scarf (2), Tocca Cleopatra (3). Oh well, try try again, eh? This jumper (4) may be the answer to my sequins conundrum: comfy, inexpensive, sparkly but not too "Christmas." Oh and Zoƫ Ball wore it on It Takes Two, which makes it a million times more desirable. Jewellery that is outside the reach of tiny grasping fingers is also high on my list; bonus points for matching my blog's colour scheme (5).

I love getting new books that I haven't heard of and I'm not fussy, so these are very much just an indication of where my brain is at, namely how not to ruin your child (1), broody Scottish murder mysteries (2), ambitious craft plans that I will probably never finish (3), NEW BOOK BY RAINBOW ROWELL! (4), NEW BOOK BY AMY POEHLER!!!!! (5), poems about dogs (6). Yup, that about sums it up.

Enough said.

SEE ALSO:


 

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