Dear Everyone Involved In This Photoshoot


The American fashion retailer Aritzia has cropped up a few times lately, both on the few fashion blogs I still occasionally read and in the wardrobes of some transatlantic online friends, so naturally I thought I'd check it out. Turns out everyone forgot to mention that it caters exclusively to the zombie-apocalypse-circa-1993 demographic! Whoops!


I mean, WHAT IS THIS POSE?? What was going through the heads of everyone on set that day? "Wonderful, darling, now look into the camera and really feel the deadly infection seeping through your veins. Great, and just roll up your cuff a bit so we can see the teeth marks. Perfect."


And don't even get me started on the orthopaedic bandage-sandals this one's wearing. Frankly I think I'd rather surrender my soul to an eternity of dead-eyed cannibalism than walk around in public wearing those.


Next time, maybe the models could just, I don't know, stand normally? Maybe smile a bit? Like normal people? You know, those people who buy the clothes? Just a suggestion.

Another suggestion, free of charge: destroy that sleeveless cropped denim jacket. In fact, destroy all sleeveless cropped denim jackets in existence. They probably aren't the source of a deadly killer zombie virus, but they certainly are hideous, and you can never be too careful.

Love,
Person Who Spends Way Too Much Time Online Window Shopping


SEE ALSO:

→ An oldie but a goodie: Dear People Who Run Topshop

All images via Aritzia.

Nobody else but you.


Sad, but true.



Card, which I did not get for Fin because POSTAGE, by Emily McDowell; see more of my favourites here.

A last-minute Valentine's DIY for horrible people.

A Safe Mooring: Valentines Against Humanity

If, like me, you have failed to prepare for Valentine's Day in any way and feel kind of guilty about it, but not guilty enough to leave the house, this is the DIY for you. Make your loved one laugh/cry/recoil in horror with your very own Valentine's version of Cards Against Humanity.

(Cards Against Humanity, for those who have not yet had the pleasure, is a card game where the goal is to be as funny as possible. Bonus points for being profoundly offensive. In a nutshell, there are black cards containing a question or phrase with part left blank, and your job is to complete the blank by choosing from your selection of white answer cards. The goal is to give the funniest answer. It is much more fun than it sounds. You can buy a proper version or download it for free, as well as get a better explanation of what the hell I'm talking about, on their site.)

A Safe Mooring: Valentines Against Humanity
So! Now that you all know what I'm talking about, here's the romantic DIY part.

Using this awesome Cards Against Humanity custom card generator, I made a set of romantic question cards to pair with the existing answer cards. All you need to do is print them off and share them with the object of your affection!

You could choose specific answer cards for each question and tuck them inside a traditional Valentine's card, or initiate a little two-person game of Cards Against Humanity (I'm sure you could come up with an appropriate prize for the winner).

A Safe Mooring: Valentines Against Humanity


Remember you can download the original Cards Against Humanity here (including a UK edition), or if you want to make it even more personal, create your own answer cards.

If you want to use the question cards I made, you can download them by clicking the link below. They are entirely free to use. Knock yourselves out.




And one more because I just can't help myself.


MORE HOW-TO POSTS:

Happy Blogiversawhatever


I've had this blog for FOUR YEARS, you guys. Four. Years. Note how I didn't say "I've been blogging for four years," because, well, I haven't exactly been churning out the posts of late, but still. If my dwindling annual post count is anything to go by, you can expect at least eight posts this year! Might even get up into double figures! Anything could happen!

Because anniversaries make me nostalgic, I've been reflecting a little bit on the highs and lows of these four years of blogging. There have been moments - when I redesigned the blog to include a portfolio (gag), or that time I ran A Practical Wedding, or when I blogged every day for a whole month - when it seemed anything was possible. I was like Miss Jamaica up there, all sparkly and fabulous and LOOK AT MY FUCKING GIANT FEATHERY HAT.

Other times, not so much. I've had to squeeze posts out, one sorry word at a time, between long bouts of silence. Every word tasted sour on my tongue. I found myself wondering why I was still doing this, who I was doing it for, whether I could make a graceful exit without anybody noticing. In short, everything that is going through Miss France's head in this picture.


I feel you, Miss France. Sometimes it seems like everyone else is wearing feathers and sparkles and there you are in your sad little mushroom hat and polyester bridal gown, and all you can do is put a bow on it and try not to focus too much on the fact that you're representing the nation that gave us Coco Chanel. Well, ok, I haven't experienced that exact situation, but I can tell from your terrifying stare that it's not good.

I think I'm at my happiest blogging somewhere in the middle. No pressure or expectations, but still writing enough to keep up a little bit of momentum. Queen of my own little universe, not trying to impress anyone but myself. Feathers and sparkles, but the understated kind.


Ladies and (who am I kidding) ladies, I give you Miss Malaysia. CLASSY AS BALLS. From now on, this blog will be the digital equivalent of... whatever this is.


Annnnnnd, since normal people seem to blog about normal life shit instead of weird Miss Universe blogging metaphors, I feel compelled to tell you that I'm going on a ski holiday tomorrow! With a baby! Because I'm crazy (but not as crazy as Miss France)!

Where are we going, I hear you ask?


"I'm NEUTRAL. Here's my flag. Deal with it."


SEE ALSO:


Images of Miss Universe 2015 via Go Fug Yourself, whose commentary completely cracked me up. Highly recommend.

POINTLESS PURCHASES FOR BABIES, PART 1 OF 10,362


Never mind jumpers for dogs, how about a SNOOD for a BABY???

I mean, I've got one (Exhibit A), Smidgen's got one (Exhibit B), so it only seems right that Flora should have one too, no?

When I was wee my favourite thing to do, besides reading, was dressing my dolls up in different outfits and parading them about. It has only just occurred to me that I will spend the next 10 years, AT LEAST, picking outfits for my child. I'm not saying she's basically just a human doll, but I'm not not saying that...


Baby knit snood, £7.99, Zara. Money well spent, I think you'll agree.
 

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